Jon Bratton's

Short Funny Rhyming Poems

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Welcome to Short Funny Rhyming Poems which brings you some and provides links to others.
Ode to Goldfish


Gyles Brandreth 

© V4C

A wife hit her husband with a frying pan
“What was that for? said he
“I found this paper in your pocket
It’s got the name Jenny on it, see!”
“Oh that. I put a bet on a race last week
Jenny was the name of my horse” he said
Next day his wife, armed with frying pan again
Said “Now buddy you’re dead”
He said ”What now, woman..
Are you still on that moan?”
His wife said “ Yes, I bloody am!!!
And by the way, your horse is on the phone”

Jon Bratton © 2012

© V4C
Short Funny Rhyming Poems

This the most popular image with the caption

Ladies, here's the latest at IKEA
A bookcase that's 4 shelves high
Handy for keeping all those 50 Shades books
You're fond of reading...goodness knows why?

Jon Bratton © 2012

© V4C

Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Here's a quote from Jilly Cooper which I have versified

I think modern drugs are wonderful
Don't you?
After all, they enable a wife with pneumonia
To nurse her husband through man flu

Jon Bratton © 2012

© V4C

You're probably like me
(Not one to make a fuss)
But I can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end
The way I think it octopus

Jon Bratton © 2012

© V4C
Short Funny Rhyming Poems

My Granddad died peacefully in his sleep

After a night out at the bar


Like the passengers in his car

Jon Bratton © 2010

© V4C

A 62 year old man was celebrating

With his wife, on the town

They'd had 40 years of married life

With barely a raised word or frown

A fairy appeared and offered the man a wish

Disloyally he said "I'd like a wife 30 years younger than me"
In a flash, he was 92 years old

Fairies are female and stick together, you see

Jon Bratton © 2010

© V4C

"Doctor this diet I'm on

It aggravates me so 

Yesterday I bit someones ear off."
"That's too many calories! You should have bit off his toe"

Jon Bratton 2010

© V4C

I stare at all the breasts

Not to mention curvaceous thighs

In the communal shower room

I have misbehaving eyes

That little blonde

I bet goes like a rabbit

As Mother Superior

I must get out of this habit

Jon Bratton © 2010

© V4C

There are funny poems all over this website relating to specific categories, examples: Birthdays, Christmas, Red Hat Society etc 
Here are some of my favorite funny rhyming poems which are very short

Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker

Ogden Nash

© V4C

How Long Have Fleas Been Around

Had 'em

© V4C

When you use shampoo in the shower
Letting it run down your body's not great
It was made for "Extra Body and Volume"
No wonder you're putting on weight

Always use detergent in the shower
And see your weight improve
Because it Dissolves Fat That Is
Difficult to Remove

Jon Bratton © 2011

© V4C 

Work for a cause
Never applause
Make kindness your style
Cause people to smile

Jon Bratton © 2012

© V4C

Click to see lots more Funny Poems on my blog. And for some more from my blog, click here Short Funny Rhyming Poems About Getting Old 

If you are sensitive, don't click on the links to the ones indicated to be naughty, though they are probably acceptable to most people. You can decide whether you are more sensitive than most people 

He-he-here's All Our Funny Ho-ho-hoard

Funny Rude Poems Funny Sexy Poems Funny Sexy Limericks 
Funny Poems Submitted by Visitors Humorous Love Poems 
Short Funny Rhyming PoemsFunny Sexy Quotes 
Funny 50th Birthday Poem Funny 50th Birthday Quotes Over the Hill Poems Poem on Age Unique Birthday Wishes Funny Christmas Quotes Funny Leaving Poems 

..write for the occasion

Here's details of my Facebook page
If you like what I write
I'd love a Like

Verses4Cards..write for the occasion

Promote your Page too

Still Looking?
OK, for your convenience, here's your search bar

Custom Search

New! Comments

Have your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below.

Protected by Copyscape Online Plagiarism Finder

Applicable to Website Publishers

On the other hand 

Fair and Proper Use

If you are a


Private Individual


you are free to use these verses, poems and quotes without asking permission and this includes Craft Card Makers who sell cards on a semi commercial basis (ie sales of not more than 50 cards per week) 


write for the occasion 

Homepage Easter Mothers Day Birthday Love & Marriage 
Baby Get Well Christening Sorry Thank You Across the Miles Congratulations Retirement Graduation Chocolates 
Sexy Fairy Life Funeral Farewell V4C Facebook Page

How to write verses
How to print verses

Life Poems Angel Poems Fairy Poems Best Loved Poems Red Hatter Poems Angel of the North Poems Winter Poems Crafter Poems

What's New My Facebook Page Sitemap  Homepage Birthday Love & Marriage Baby Christening Get Well Retirement Funeral Graduation Christmas Easter Mothers Day Fathers Day Valentines Funny

what's new

Google +

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines