Speech for Farewell

Speech for Farewell is the page that has a long rhyming speech to an expatriate colleague and his wife leaving the job and the country (Amphroia) to go home to USA. It is mainly humorous, has good hearted ribbing and is in the style of many others on this website. See links below

This video, and those dealing with other leaving poems, can be viewed here at Other Leaving Poems on YouTube

This is just a little ditty
An adios buena suerte poem
To say goodbye to Dave and Jude
As they make their way back home

Yes, they're leaving Amphroia
There's still a week before they fly
By the time this poem's ended
It'll be time to say goodbye

This is a very special ditty
To two very special friends
A friendship so well tested
By the time this ditty ends

This is a verbal crucifixion, Dave
Just before you go
And I apologize profusely
It's a tradition, don't you know

Speech for Farewell

I pleaded with the lads
Not to make me write a ditty
Anyway, I hope you like it
And if you don't, tough titty

I wrote these words about you
I admit it, it's true
But this is hurting me
More than it's hurting you

It's 3 years since we first met
Almost to the hour
But even then I noticed
Your lack of staying power

It was just like we were married
Except we never used to fight
And you always did my washing up
Every Friday night

You were the perfect partner
With whom to share my life
But suddenly you ditched me
In favor of your wife

Speech for Farewell

Dave, I'm not enjoying this
And I'm the sincere sort
Believe me Dave, and if you you do
You're more Okie than I thought

But you're no fool, we all know that
And I'm not just being coy
You really are quite clever
For an Oklahoma boy

Being dumber than a box of rocks
Okies face some sniggers
Just because their IQ
Barely reaches double figures

You can tell an Okie anything
Be it genuine or fake
Dave took my advice once
Was that a big mistake

"Scratch your Yahtzee", I said
He was really taken in
I really shouldn't con a friend
But I'll do anything to win

Dave's an Okie with a college degree
God forbid, it should get lost
It must be very valuable
Dave, how much did it cost?

Speech for Farewell

Well folks, it's time to play
Our favorite little game
Guessing what the E stands for
In Dave's middle name

"Efete" said I, "what?" said Steve
"A place to wear a shoe?"
Efete, it means all worn out
Dave, that sounds just like you

"Economical" said Ian
Because on the matter of fuluus
How can I put this Dave?
You're the opposite of loose

Remember when you learned Arabic
If you can call it such
The only one of interest was
The one that means "How much?"

We've heard you at the mercado
¿Cómo?, ¿Cómo?, no thanks
That's why you've got a fortune
In a variety of banks

Speech for Farewell

Chas said "E for expectant"
Derreck didn't agree with that
"Dave's not bloody pregnant
He's just bloody fat"

Carlos's E for eloquent
Well, it didn't fit the general theme
But he gave further explanation
To the whole discussion team

Indeed, he explained it very well
He reduced us to tears
"An eloquent is a great fat thing
With a trunk and floppy ears"

"Dave's not fat" said Jonathan O'Neil
He told us how he felt
"The cause of Dave's Buddah Belly
Is his well stocked money belt

So some said fat and some said rich
It's an issue that dumfounds
But clearly the measure of both your wealth and weight
Is a vast amount of pounds

And not forgetting dollars
Nor the mark or franc,
All hidden from the tax man's eyes
In a secret off-shore bank

Speech for Farewell

"E for Effervescent"
Said Jude on the spot
We said "You mean he's very lively?"
She said "No, he farts a lot"

Then Jude had a second thought
And this one threw us all
"Erect" she said, with a smile and a wink
But Dave doesn't walk that tall

In fact, he's rather dumpy
He has hardly any height
So we all agreed with Jak and Jeff
"Egg shaped" sounded right

But E could be for exercise
Jude took the lead
She suggested a game of badminton
And, surprisingly, Dave agreed

But it was soon E for exhausted
Within five minutes of the sport
It was E for excuses
As he staggered from the court

It could be E for Early night
As a discipline that's fine
But even on a party night
Dave's fast asleep by nine

Is he still here?

Dave is always tired
Because he works so hard
After a hard day pushing on his pen
He's too tired to build a yard

Some people spend a lot of time
Building up a fence
But when they leave it's all destroyed
It doesn't make much sense

But Dave solved that problem
He won't see his yard a wreck
How can you wreck a wilderness?
There's no fence, no bar, no deck

Speech for Farewell

E for Eagle eyed shell spotter
Coz he caused such commotion,
With God's little vacuum cleaners
At the bottom of the ocean

When Noli said "Erotic"
We laughed till we were sick
When someone said "Ejected"
It reminded us of Dick

Poor Dick could hardly walk at all
Crippled with his back
But instead of giving sympathy
Dave gave him the sack

A man who picks on cripples
Is ruthless and aloof
It's Steve's career that worries me
It could be on the roof

"on the roof" explanation

"Affluent" said Dave's well known friend
But that's not what he meant
The word we need starts with E
It must be "Effluent"

But then he said "Ebullient"
We couldn't help but titter
We said "You mean he's a lively talker?"
He said "No, Ebullient shitter"

Speech for Farewell

Mo said it is E for Oedipus
It's just a pity he can't spell
There could be some truth in it
We think he did rather well

Oedipus was obsessed with a parent
Excluding any other
And Dave is obsessed with his well known friend
And he often calls him a Mother!

It could be E for Erudite
Cos Dave's good with verbs and nouns
It could be E for Elevator
Cos he's had his ups and downs

Dave himself says Emphatic
Cos he's forceful and he shouts
"Yes, by God, I'm emphatic"
But then he showed some doubts

It must be E for Elastic
"Cos a dilemma started showing
I'm definitely emphatic
And if not, I'm Easy Going"

Dave had a rather difficult job
With experts and planners
He's always been a gentleman
We applaud his "Table Manners"

more
Speech for Farewell

In the Am Dram Group, Rakvian Players (RP) Dave played Tom, the man sitting on the little chair

It must be E for extravert
Cos Dave has a lust for fame
Many a cast at Rakvian Players (Am Dram)
Has included David's name

"It's E for entertaining"
Said his audience, having fun
It was E for exhibitionist
When his fly came undone

"Evictor" said Manuel
Cos on his room, he was very keen
As he perused his marching orders
Signed by Hatchet Groom

But Dave was determined
He showed Manuel to the door
He showed one of those obscene gestures
That he's now famous for

E actually stands for Earl
It should further his career
But nowadays he'd do better
If it was E for Engineer

Speech for Farewell

Dave you've been a pal to us
But you were also the boss
And even when you bullied us
It didn't make us cross

But if there's one thing that upset us
And helped to destroy the soul
It was the Hell on Earth we suffered
Doing Navidad Patrol

But David always liked this
He took a sinister delight
Making us work weekends
And every single night

You even learned some German
Just to improve your lines
"I have vays of making you do it
You vill get out there you svines

It's time to put the record straight
For all the folks back home
There's hardly a single word of truth
In this entire poem

Speech for Farewell

David Groom is not a tyrannical, overweight, tight fisted, rich man
Nor a bumbling half wit
Tho' as American as pecan pie
He's become our adopted Brit

Mr Daved Earle Groome
To you we doff our cap
Though you're a self confessed Yokie
You're still a spiffing chap

On a personal note, I say this
To you, my greatest fan
Or should I say, to both of you
Daved Earl and Judith Anne

Your departure to Liz and I
Is something of a wrench
But it's not goodbye but au revoir
Daved loves me talking French

We hope this is just a station
Not the end of the line
And that we'll meet again and share some laughs
Over a glass of Hiney wine

You're really smashing people
And I like to express
The best wishes of all of us
Good Luck, Take Care, God Bless

©V4C

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