Jon Bratton's

Women Birthday Verses Poems

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Women Birthday verses poems

want women's poems where a sport or shopping is the theme go here


Does Jan like to take a drink?
Was Hitler fond of war?
Give 'er a bucket of Pernod
She'll sup it and ask for more

On holiday she goes topless
The Spaniards don't want it done
They fear if Jan removes her top
She might eclipse the sun

For Jan has reached a milestone
As best as we can gauge
She's joined the over 40's
In bust as well as age

To a cat loving soliciting Scouser
Who seeks an overall tan
Have a great 40th birthday
We love you Auntie Jan 

© V4C 
Women Birthday verses poems

These are PERSONALISED Verses I've written for SPECIFIC PEOPLE but they may be used as a source of inspiration when seeking a verse for someone with SIMILAR HOBBIES, HABITS, TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS. If you want general poems see the links at the bottom of this page

© V4C 


Gemma and Bobby are the best of pals
Such an inseparable pair
One has such a nice cute face
The other's covered in hair!

Bobby loves keeping fit
And the latest music sound
Gemma has a cold wet nose
Or is it the other way round?

Bobby's very nosey
And yaps all day long
Gemma never says a word
Or have I got that wrong?

Bobby's had a crush on me 
Ever since he was a pup
Gemma likes to lick my face
Or have I got mixed up?

This tribute's for a birthday
A special one that's true
It's for the Pasta and Curry Kid
Bobby is that you?

Lots of love etc

© V4C
Women Birthday verses poems

 Welcome to our free online printable Women Birthday Verses Poems page, which brings you verses, poems, quotes, messages, greetings, wishes suitable for women's birthday greetings cards, myspace comments, speeches, etc.

Women Birthday verses poems- poetry verse

© V4C 


Remember all those years ago
When we used to go to Hannah's 
You threw a kid over a wall
Cos he didn't show good manners

Poor kid didn't know what hit him
It came as quite a shock
When he gave some lip to the Warrior Queen
Tarz- Anne, the Marsden Rock

You really loved two Roberts then
And you married one, of course
But do you often now look at Rob
And pine for Bobby, the horse?

As a busy working wife and Mum
With a hectic life, no doubt
When you tidy and clean, do you often think
Of the stables...mucking out?

But enough of this nostalgia
Life begins now, they say
Down a few pints at the Rattler
And enjoy your special day

© V4C 

Women Birthday verses poems- poetry verse


Isn't it Odd?

This is a special birthday tribute
And we really hope to please
But isn't it odd that a prison worker
Should keep mislaying keys?

And isn't it odd that a co-ordinator
Should be always late, not soon
And that a girl born in September
Should have the name of June?

Isn't it odd, since she likes tennis
That she hasn't had this thought
To combine the game with cycling
To help her round the court?

But it's not odd we love her
When all is said and done
She's a lovely caring person
To a husband, daughter, son

© V4C  

Women Birthday verses poems- poetry verse

80 year old IRISH MOTHER OF 7 KIDS

As it's your 80th birthday
Let's face it, Mum, you're old
We all agree that it's time
You had your story told

First you had a little girl
And you called her Ann Marie
Then twins, John and Sinead
And already you had three

Like Oliver Twist you wanted more
So who was next to arrive
More twins Ryan and Katie
The number's up to five

By now the stork was worn out
On more he wasn't keen
As encouragement you gave him a Pat
Then along came Eugene

Of course Eugene says he's the best
You'd produced six times before
But in truth the stork took a look at him
And said "That's it more"

You've been a busy lady
For life, you had a thirst
Giving your all for your kids
And you always put us first

But now that you've reached eighty
You're content and so serene
This comes with love from Hannah
And Shauna and Eugene

And your whole extended family
On your birthday have a ball
Ruby, you're a treasured gem
So precious to us all... 

© V4C 
Women Birthday verses poems

© V4C 
Women Birthday verses poems


In doing this birthday tribute
It's tempting to take a rise
By using words like "Scatter Brain"
Or even "Thunder Thighs"

But that's not fair, you're an athlete
Fine toned body, well honed mind
A jogging, squash and tennis ace
Unique, one of a kind

You're well organised, and we say that
Not with tongue in cheek
Your work schedule's very hectic
5 hours...every week

You're not at all like a 40 year old
And we mean what we say
Mind you being a Jim Reeves fan
Is a dead give-away

We're glad that we weren't tempted
To be sarcastic or mean
Have a really smashin' 40th, Jan
From Glyn, Joanne, Maureen

© V4C

Women Birthday verses poems


More Women Birthday Verses Poems

Women Birthday Verses Poems 


Easington's answer to Naomi Campbell
Once did a modelling night
You were just like her, except for style
And colour and looks and height

As a dancer you've got an advantage
Being a "Reet Petite"
Cos it's such a tiny distance
From your brains to your feet

Truckers like a tasty morsel
When travelling near and far
So fiance Jim takes you along
His human Yorkie Bar

And tho' you're now very old
We never hear you grouse
We think it's cos you've already booked
Your place at Moor House

But as it's your 50th birthday
We'll knock the insults on the head
After all you're such a "Nice Girl"
It's true, we've heard it said

Lots of love from all the other "Nice Girls" etc

© V4C

Women Birthday Verses Poems 

Following are more birthday poem verses to sister, wife, daughter, niece, aunt, female cousin, girlfriend, partner, lover and other female relatives and female friends

Sue, you're a kleptomaniac
You know you shouldn't oughta
Nick the ashtrays from the pub
That's not nice for a vicar's daughter

Still, it's only the odd pub ashtray
That should be underlined
But your love of guns is worrying
Is armed robbery on your mind?

Since you're stroppy...and a good shot
Perhaps I'm going too far
But...are those secret driving lessons
Cos you need a getaway car?

But Sue there's more to you than crime
As anyone can tell
Based on the booze you can put away
You're an alcoholic, as well

Enough of this, it's your birthday
So here's a tribute all in rhyme
It comes with love from Derek
Your loving partner... (in crime)

© V4C 


Women Birthday Verses Poems 

Funny 50th birthday poem verses to wife and mother from husband and daughter

To the most glamorous woman in Guernsey
Whitley Bay is miles away
You're a cracker for a 50 year old
Enjoy your special day

But what to get you for your birthday?
Well, since you're a drinking nut
We considered a nice new liverBut the Butcher's shop was shut

Picking the perfect pressie, Pet
Was such a difficult choice
What you really need, can't be bought
A brand new singing voice

So what about designer clothes?
There's a thought that needs correction
Why even Calvin Klein
Envies your collection

We considered a posh car for you
Or a cruise to an Arctic Isle
To hell with the expense-we got you this
A unique framed up smile

Cos you're so very dear (expensive) to us
Let your hair down, have a Cola
Mixed with a gallon or two of booze
With love ....James and Nola

© V4C


Women Birthday Verses Poems

A Women Verses Poems contribution dealing with a 60th birthday speech to a Mother and grandmother, a retired aromatherapist, where her son, daughter and her grandsons, granddaughters are the main focus

I hope you're sitting comfortably
And you've all been to the loo
Coz I've been handed this little story
And asked to read it to you

It's a traditional fairy tale story
Written all in rhyme
And it starts as all good stories start
Once upon a time

There was a princess
Who was very pretty, I'm told
But that was a long long time ago
She's now very, very old

But rich..beyond her wildest dreams
No I'm not kidding, it's no joke
She made a fortune selling potions
To the poor sickly folk

So the rich princess held a birthday feast
And they came from far and near
To dine in an enchanted castle
Just like this one here

She hired a storyteller
A great fat enormous bloke
Who was very big...on insults
And the occasional sarky joke

He told the princess she had gone
From middle age to pensioner class
And despite being very well off
She still claimed her free bus pass

He reminded the pensioner princess
That she'd reached the big Six-0
She was in her seventh decade
And boy! did it show

Such cheek! If I'd been her, what I would do
Is behead the man for that
'Cept he'd probably be delighted
To lose so much ugly fat

He said, tho' you're very very old
You look good all the same
You've had grey hair for 30 years
You'll suit a Zimmer Frame

He said, now you've reached this old old age
Don't bother to dye your hair
Don't bother with a face lift
Don't change the clothes you wear

Don't bother with a nip n tuck
Don't rebel and cause outrage
Just do the decent thing.....
.....Lie about your age

He said.. you've been 40 years with your Prince
You've aged together, and how
There's still fire in the both of you
You just call it heartburn now

And kids, there are children in this story
From the South West and North East
And the princess loved them very much
To say the very least

Tho the children didn't live near each other
She lived near them all, to be fair
It wasn't was just because
She had houses everywhere

Two of the children lived in the South
Where there wasn't much dry ground
With Mummy Steve and Daddy Meg
Or was it t'other way round

The girl's name was Jamie
The boy had a Gem of a name
Or perhaps the fat storyteller
Had got it wrong again

The other children travelled the world
From one end to the other
One had the name of Mathew
And Katie was her little brother

With Mummy Andrew and Daddy Suzanne
They searched Canadian snow and Australia's rain
Then they followed the yellow brick road to Oz
To re-search it all again

The fat man spoke of all the guests
The Princess' "Ladies Who Lunch" pal Liz
Lesley and Stuart, who live on motorways
And Gary and D, from the family biz

The storyteller toasted the Pensioner Princess
Not a description on which she was keen
He said "Listen dearie, it's better
Than 'here's to a very old queen'"

At that, the fat storyteller
Said "That's all you'll hear from me"
And he was off, stopping briefly
To pick up his very fat fee

And now boys and girls, ladies and gents
That's all from your GREEAAT Uncle Jon
But kids, I know a little secret
I know what's going on

You see, the prince in the story was Granddad
Trust me, it's true
And the children in the story
Well, guess what, That was you

And the Princess in the story
That was your dear old Gran
What puzzles me is who on earth
Was the big fat story man?

Lesley, you're the third oldest
The rest of us are young
And as it's your Birthday
Your praises should be sung

You may be a very old lady
Who travels about by free bus
But Mrs Lesley Edna Dinning
You're a Princess, to all of us

© V4C 

Women Birthday verses poems


My love for you, on a scale of 1 to 10
Is a 10, my darling Jill
While your love of cats, on the self same scale
Measures precisely NIL

In your Antarctic scarf and woolies
You always look so good
But freezing cold, I think you need
A few more pints of blood

Your exploits in the kitchen
Are such a sight to see
And I really love your curries...
...for breakfast, lunch and tea!!

But it's chaos when you're cooking
You're such a messy pup
If vandals got in your kitchen
They'd probably tidy up

I hope you like this ditty
For your special birthday wish
Or would you prefer a hot water bottle
And a nice new casserole dish?

© V4C

Women Birthday Poems Verses Ditties

Wife and Mum, Mom Birthday poem verses


For your birth, they held street parties
The whole country just went mental
T'was in '53... the Queen was crowned
But that was incidental

You drink in TV movies
You've a thirst for books, that's true
Our house plants know the feeling
For they get thirsty too

Having an in-house barber
We think is very good
We save some dosh...and we don't mind
The occasional sight of blood

But your love of Jane Austen books
Gives us our greatest fear
While you cut our hair, steeped in Pride
You might Prejudice our ear

But enough of all these insults
For now the time has come
To tell you that we love you
You're a special wife and Mum

Happy b etc

© V4C

Womens Birthday Poems Verses Ditties

40th birthday poem verses to Mum and Wife from husband and children


Happy Birthday Margaret
You've reached the big Four - O
You're getting old so it's OK
If you start running slow

You can quit Sunday morning hoovering
You can stop being so keen
To tidy up and decorate
Polish, scrub and clean

You can quit suppin' G & T's
Or "Deli- Babing" round the town
You can settle down and be "Old Madge"
In shawl and dressing gown

You can get fat and help the folk
In the "Food Giant" queue
When they wonder where the name came from
They can just look at you

You can finally quit driving the car
You can look like a bloke butch
You can do's OK by us
Cos we love you very much

Happy 40th etc

© V4C 

(Emma), you're canny
A right bonny lassie
And for a (Huddersfield) girl
Surprisingly, classy

For your birthday, you're not
One to make a big fuss
Just a 5 star hotel
And your kid dumped on us

Yeah, wallowing in splendour
Having dumped your kid
Hope you had a nice time
Cos, we most certainly did!

Enjoy your (29th) birthday, (Emma)

© V4C

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