Jon Bratton's

Funny Leaving Poems

but, first...
Welcome
Everyone

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Funny Leaving Poems

These are very specific to certain people/traits. You may have come here looking for more general funny material and if you have go here to

Funny Leaving Verses (1)...for general use
or
General Funny Leaving Rhymes (2)
 

 


STUDENT LEAVING FOR FIRST JOB 

There'll be tears in your Samson
Cos despite all your efforts, Rob
You've gone and joined the real world
And got a proper job

But Aberdeen's miles away
It's such a long long drive
You'll have to quit at lunchtime
To make the Fitzy's call at five

Aberdeen's near the Arctic Circle
Among it's many faults
How are you going to stagger home
After a p*** up at The Vaults

Local cricket and footy are things of the past
It's goodbye to curries now
You'll drown in sweat if we're not there
To mop your fevered brow

As an experienced Great North Runner
You'll get quite far in a day
But you'll face at least a 3 week jog
To watch the Hammers play

Oh "Cuddly Toy" don't leave us
Don't forsake your life long vow
You've perfected the art of laying about
Don't go and spoil it now

© Jon Bratton 1996

© V4C
  Funny Leaving Poems Verses Quotes




more funny leaving poems

RADIO SALES GIRL GETS TOP HONOUR

Mary - Our "Call Girl"

You're Salesperson of the Year
We think you're very nice
With big boobs and short skirts
We call you Slapper Spice

You're great at getting lots of sales
You must earn a packet
But because you always witter on
We call you Hinge..or Bracket

You're always groomed immaculate
A successful client builder
But you turned up once with a curler in
That's why we call you Hilda

Hubby David calls you Darling
Young Laura calls you Mother
Your clients call you often
They won't speak to any other

You laugh and dance real dirty
But at sales you've got the knack
We're dead jealous of your sales success
So we call you...behind your back

It's not true Mary...we love you
Please take this in fun and jest
You deserve success, and we're rooting for you
We wish you all the best

© Jon Bratton 1996 Good Bye Poems

© V4C
  Funny Leaving Poems

BOOB OBSESSED BOSS LEAVES SUPERMARKET FOR NEW JOB

Davie Hall- breast man
Let's face it, you're obsessed
Only you could make Quicksave
Knee deep in chicken breast 

But we "trust you, you're a doctor"
Seeking an Alzheimers cure
Cos if you don't write everything down
You make a boob for sure

But, so what if your mammary's bad?
As a Manager you're very fair
Indeed, if any more laid back
You'd fall off your chair

With more than your share of knockers
The Mackems mock you to bits
Just cos you're a Smoggie
Who supports a bunch of mediocre players

Goodbye, good luck, all the breast
This tribute's at it's end
Call yourself a Manager?
To us you're a bosom friend!!

Good luck Davie

© Jon Bratton 1996

© V4C
  Funny Leaving Poems Verses Quotes

STUDENT LEAVING FOR FIRST JOB

So U 2 are leaving us
Another rat from the sinking ship
You'll not make it in the real world
Cos you can't get out of kip

Cycle to work? You're joking
Have you forgotten what you're like
To get to work on time you'd need
Jet propulsion on your bike

It takes you yonkers in the morning
To get your act in gear
Having downed drambuie, whisky, gin
And vast quantities of beer

They're expecting a Soprano Cellist
Who's a landfill expert too
Don't worry, if they ask us 
We'll not tell 'em it's not true

They might even try to torture us
But your best pals won't cave in
That's James, Caz and Meg
Julie, Rob and Bryn

© Jon Bratton 1996

© V4C
  Funny Leaving Poems Verses Quotes

RADIO GIRL GOES TO RIVAL STATION

"So we said to the horse"....

...Joan's leaving
To get some extra pay
He was taken aback...couldn't believe it
"Neigh" he said "Thrice nay"

The Disney folk think the world of you
When we phoned them to say
The man who flogs the Tom Cruise shades
Said you really made his day

The Budweiser man was delighted
That you drained so many kegs
Sneezy the dwarf sends a knowing wink
And Porky Pig adores your legs

Maureen Lipman give a fashion tip
During our nice long talk
She thinks tweed suits and sensible brogues
Would match your Grenfell walk

Mafia Frank and Doris Day
Wish you the best with your career
And the man in the local chocolate shop
Fought back a mournful tear

Charles Harrison said "TFM" ?
That can't be a good decision
From Geordieland to the Boro
That's dropping a Division

As for us, we'll miss you Joan
Perhaps too much to bear
By Gum, we'll miss that winning smile
And your sexy underwear

Please hang this special tribute
On your new office wall with pride
We know we couldn't have insulted you more
But believe us Joan, we tried !!

All the best in your new job

© Jon Bratton 1996

© V4C
  Funny Leaving Poems Verses Quotes



 

More general funny leaving poems 

SCHOOL MATES GOING THEIR SEPARATE WAYS

We were an all girl double act
Like Jennifer and Dawn
While I fiddled with me instrument
You tooted on your horn

We shared the same stage and court
We shared A- level passes
We've done very well, some would say
For two daft Mackem lasses

Of course, I'm the older, wiser one
I've got a whole six days on you
We haven't always been best pals
We didn't meet till we were two

We've been just like siamese twins
They were oh such happy days
But Gemma how're you gonna cope
Now we've gone our separate ways?

May your solo act without me
Be as happy as can be
As a singing, dancing netball mate
You were Taylor- made for me

© Jon Bratton 1996

© V4C 
Funny Leaving Poems Verses Quotes



Hope you found the 'sorry you're leaving' poems, verses to suit. If you didn't...and you wanted specific stuff go to those so marked. If you want funny leaving poems material generally go to those so marked. Links given earlier

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