Humorous Love Poems

Humorous Love Poems is one of several pages of funny poems on the subject of love. There are those on this page and links to other pages on this website and on other websites. If you fail to find something that tickles you, I'll send you a feather.
If you take me up on this offer, consider it withdrawn. Terms and conditions apply

This is a love poem
What I have written
Cos with all consuming love
I've been smitten

And when I say smitten
I mean everywhere
There's one bit, particularly smit
But let's not go down there

I say this joyously
Ecstatically, euphorically and such
Cos I love you, verily
Verily, verily much

I've told everyone I love you
There's no one I didn't tell
Why, I even told the vicar
And he toll'd the bell

William Shakespeare wrote sonnetly
"Love is as a fever, longing still"
I think he's right
I've never felt so ill

Cos I'm o'er brimming with love's fever
Yet all atingle, aroused, excited
And as to the state of me troth
It's well and truly plighted

I've come over all funny
But that's your effect on me
It's cos I love you more than....

...a dog loves a tree
...a lumberjack loves a cucumber snack
...a fish loves staying wet
.... Romeo loved Juliet
...an aardvark loves ants
I've a stirring in me...
...mind

For the right words, sentiments
I'm grasping, groping
This poem could go on forever
Like us
I'm hoping

Jon Bratton 2007

Humorous Love Poems

It's not difficult to make a woman happy
A man only needs to be all of these
A friend, companion and lover
And a door mat, determined to please

He must behave like her brother and father,
Be a one-man decorating crew
Not to mention electrician, carpenter, plumber and mechanic
Oh, and killer of spiders, too

He needs to be a good listener
And always generous, never mean
He needs to be a healer and a psychologist
And it helps a lot, if he's clean

He needs to be warm and very attentive
Creative, tender and sympathetic
He should be intelligent and funny
And it's a bonus if he's also athletic

He should have boatloads of understanding
Be strong while at the same time, soften
He should also be very passionate
But really, not all that often

He should be ambitious and very capable
Courageous, compassionate, determined and true
Dependable, and a docile pack horse
Whenever there's shopping to do

He should pay her compliments and attention
Expecting little or nothing in return
He should be rich enough to enable her
To have lots of money to burn

He mustn't forget birthdays or anniversaries
Or any arrangements she makes
He must give her lots of time, space and shoes
And whatever else it takes

Let's consider the reverse situation
There's only two things on the list to choose
How can a woman make a man happy?
Be naked
Have booze

**

(So my darling (Angela)
I'm sooo in love with you
I'll do the whole of list 1
If you'll do the whole of list 2)

**

(So, my darling (Timothy)
I love you but don't get me wrong
While I love everything on the first list
The second one's two items too long)

Jon Bratton 2010
(Based on a joke by someone else unknown)

Humorous Love Poems

Hand on hot stove for a minute seems like an hour.
Sit with pretty girl for an hour seems like a minute.
That's relativity
It's true Albert, innit?

Jon Bratton 2010

**

I'm sorry your wife left you
This is why, I think, she went
You should have made her highs, higher
And her lows, less fre quent.

Jon Bratton 2010

That's all the Humorous Love Poems here but there's

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