Jon Bratton's

Farewell Poem

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Farewell Poem is the name of this page because it has that very thing, in written words and on video, a recording of the delivery of the speech by me, the author and a member of a theater group in Amphroia from whence five people were leaving 


This is just a little ditty
A goodbye, good luck poem
To say goodbye to our dear friends
As they make their way back home

Yes folks, you've had the play
It's now sincerity time
To pay tribute to our departing members
And insult them all in rhyme

I've heard about your ditties
I'm not sure I'm very keen
I just take poetic license
You take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friends
I don't want any part
Oh Mary, don't make a fuss
I'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks
Did I not promise just now
No innuendoes or calling people names
Get on, yer silly cow

Farewell Poem

more of the farewell poem

Alright, it's goodbye to two fine actors
Which is a terrible pity
It's goodbye to a fine producer
And two members of committee

We say goodbye to just one mother
And three men-the total's nine
We bid adieu to a man of spirit
And one who deals in wine

Farewell to two married couples
And one who's happy....and free
If we count the departing back stage folk
The number comes to three

So far, that's seventeen people
That's really more than plenty
Throw in two ladies and a lighting man
And the number comes to twenty

There's two who dabble in computers
There's one in avionics
There's four who like to tipple wine
And one on moonshine and tonics

There's a sewing singing teacher
Who's big in the arts... arse
There's a devoted snooker player
Who like playing darts... farce

There's one with a London accent
There's four who speak quite posh
There's two who like a game of bridge
And one who's fond of squash

There's one who's very nautical
And at least one who's very naughty
That's an awful lot of people
The number now is forty

Forty people leaving?
That's enough to fill a bus
But it's not the first time that we've faced
A mass exodus

Farewell Poem

Anyway, I've found some double accounting
The number's only five
And though they're indispensable
Rep Players will survive

Rep Players used to be mainly American
Then the British made a coop (coup)
Excuse me, that should be coo, it's French. It's a silent 'P'
A silent 'P' huh?

OK! R.P. used to be American
Then the British made a coo
And now the Brits are leaving
Five in one fell swoo

So what'll become of the membership
Who will it next comprise
If it goes the way of the Country
Bangladeshis and Thais

Anyway, who are these five people
Who will pretty soon be gone
It's time for us to name them
And insult them one by one

Farewell Poem

Let's start with Gill, a talented actress
A girl of many parts
She can play a really marvelous drunk
Who hiccups, burps and....falls over

Gill's been in so many plays
'Absent Friends' was a nice piece
Ah yes Dianna, she only wanted one affair
The entire Canadian Mounted Police

She was in Shakespeare's Ladies
And in 'What the Butler Saw'
And two parts in the Comedy Hour
And she still came back for more

And in 'Move Over Mrs Markham'
She really can't go wrong
All tweedy drawers and sensible shoes
It'll be her great swan song

Farewell Poem

That's where she has a "man that does"
Which is somewhat ironic
Cos Martin would like to, but usually can't
After a night on moonshine and tonic

Are you saying his connubial duties
He is failing to fulfill
I'm just saying-once he's said yes to a pint
He always says no to a Gill

But Martin really loves his wife
Then he should really love her first
It's not his fault, it's just he has
A most prodigious thirst

But he must be a man that does
Every now and then
Oh of course....three times
Charis, Luke and Jen

No I'm not having it
(Oh you as well, huh?)
We can't treat a friend this way
OK, Clever Clogs
You think of something nice to say're really glad there's a few more months
Before he finally retires
And he's going to be a tremendous loss
To the local moonshine suppliers

He's been a great help to them
I must say, quite ingeniously
Now look, Martin doesn't drink that much
What? He takes it intravenously?

Martin's made a marvelous contribution
To this town's theater life
Oh you mean while he was boozing at the darts
He sent along his wife

No, I mean he's contributed a great deal
To the theaters of this town
Oh yes, I remember his two cultured acts of drama
Balox meets Charlie Brown

I really think you've said enough
You're all the same, you men
You never mentioned Martin's producing skills
I did, Emma, Kit and Ben

Farewell Poem

Oh, I give up, let's turn to David M
Now this time you must shine
David's very fond of squash
He'll drink anything with moonshine

John F taught David all he knows
You mean, fixing the roof at Large
No, on lighting, On "With All My Love I Hate You"
David was in charge

But it was his work on the Victorian Evening
Where he really made his mark
He is the first class Lighting Man
Who's kept completely in the dark

Oh, you mean the Local Ladies Night
Where he lay flat out on the ground
Afraid to move a muscle
Afraid to make a sound

Trying to work those switches
Must have really been a drag
And it must have been so very hot
Inside that plastic bag

It's just unfortunate he was discovered
Is this a sort of riddle
No, I mean, now he's the only lighting man
Without a knob to follow

Farewell Poem

Anne's our period costume team
At sewing she's very deft
And she makes all her own clothes
With all the bits that left

Wasn't her role tonight real good
Perhaps even better than Gill's
Anne, playing a sexpat
That took no acting skills

And she's doing a really super job
With the Elizabethan Street
Yes, it's like coitus interuptus
Nice, but incomplete

Whenever there's a job to do
In she always pitches
And as our jolly wardrobe lady
She's kept us all in stitches

Yes, Anne's a real comedienne
The best of all the wits
She's the one who tried to name
This lovely room The Pits

Farewell Poem

Which brings us on to Vincent
Who can't escape all blame
Was he not the M,C.
Who allowed that awful name

Vince is our sea-going member
Who likes to cast off daily
Yes, as Dennis Healey would put it
He is our Saily Bayley

But no one could doubt his acting skills
Not even a Doubting Thomas
And when it comes to building bars
I've heard he shows lots of promise

But in making stock for the bar
For perfection he has striven
Yes, we thank him for those lovely grapes
And the spirit in which they're given

Vince has been here just one year
No one could say he stalls
Yes, he hadn't put his first batch down
When he was in Inspector Calls

Was he not in the Ghost Train
And A Comedy Hour And A Bit
And he even wrote the play tonight
Another resounding hit

He was in the Victorian Evening
And the Engineer in Eddie's play
And I've heard he pops into Longhams
But just to collect his pay

He's certainly been a busy chap
Well, that is very true
If you ask Longhams about him
They'll say "Vincent who?"

He just likes an active social life
A man about the town
Which is why they trimmed his money back
And closed his winery down

Farewell Poem

Right, now you've insulted everyone
What have you got to say?
I'm very sorry...that you made me throw
All the best bits away

I wanted to tell them all about the...
Enough, that will do!
It's time for Roy to make his speech
Can we spare an hour or two?

I'd like to end on a personal note
Working with you all has been a joy
And I wish you all the very best
As I hand you on to Roy

See many more examples of Farewell Poem speeches 

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