Jon Bratton's

Funny Birthday Poems 70th 

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Funny Birthday Poems 70th 
For your 70th birthday I searched for a maxim
And here's one perfect that I've spotted
Be full of the milk of human kindness
But occasionally, let it get clotted

Grumpy is good every now and again
May your birthday be full of Old Git Wit

Jon Bratton 2012
(Based on comment by Gilbert Harding)

© V4C

My 70th Birthday wish for you
Is for your best year yet
A year where wants are very few,
But what you want, you get.
Have a wondrous Seven-O birthday and year to come

Jon Bratton © 2008

© V4C

It's birthday time again I see; 
Another year's gone by. 
We're older than we used to be; 
The thought could make me cry. 

For getting older is not such fun, 
When there's hurting in your back, 
And it's agony if you have to run,
And a pleasure to lie in the sack. 

Yes getting older is quite a bore, 
But to not get old is worse. 
So "Happy Birthday!" let's shout once more, 
And to heck with our ride in the hearse!

© V4C
Funny Birthday Poems 70th 

The title of this web page is for the very reason that it has funny rhymes about the passage of time and the ravages to the body by the time it reaches its seventieth anniversary on the planet. Wrinkinsults, as I call them, are very popular among oldies sending cards to fellow oldies but people, the next generation down, who want age deferment poems where folk reaching 70 have become National Treasures are being brought to this page by the search engines.
If you want a serious poem which does not reflect advanced years I suggest you search for normal birthday poems and add 70th to it. Or, trawl further down this page, past the funny stuff for serious, poignant, touching poems

(Seven) decades on, and you’re still ticking There’s no bucket yet, ready for kicking (You continue to give life a whirl Have a wonderful day, Septuagenarian Birthday Girl) (Having you around, brings so much joy Have a wonderful day, Septuagenarian Birthday Boy)

Jon Bratton © 2009

© V4C

70th birthday poems

not yet had enough?
OK, here's more stuff...
of the "funny birthday poems 70th" variety

You've reached your seventh decade
You've come so very far
Here's a few examples 
Of just how old you are

You tend now to forget
How often your memory fails
Or the frequency at which
Your train of thought derails

Half your supermarket shopping
Says 'For fast relief'
You no longer sleep with your wife (hubby/OH)
Nor, indeed, with your teeth

When did your wild oats
Turn to shredded wheat?
You can pinch an inch...on your forehead
But you can't see your feet

Being awake past 9 pm
Is you staying up late
You're well past your Best Before
And sexpiration date

You tend to say "nowadays"
More often than you should
And it now takes you twice as long
To look half as good

This is not to insult you
Or to give you grief or sorrow
It's just to remind you
Your eighth decade starts tomorrow

Jon Bratton © 2011

© V4C
70th birthday poems

You're the life of the party, even up to 8 p.m.
You open child proof caps.... with a crowbar.
You want to go home before you get there 
Have I got things right so far?

You're awake many hours before you get up 
You smile 'cause you can't hear what's said 
You tell lots of stories; over and over again...'s time for bed

You're wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, 
And that's only your left leg,
You struggle to remember difficult words 
Like...Alzheimer's, Amnesia or...egg

Jon Bratton © 2011 (partly)

© V4C
Funny Birthday Poems 70th 

I have been well and truly told off because these poems are funny despite the title of the page being Funny Birthday Poems 70th
So, here's a few 70th birthday poems which are not humorous

Congrats, you've reached three score years and ten
A special landmark, a milestone day.
Within these words lie lots of things
(I)(We) never get to say.

It means (I)(we) love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to (me)(us),
And that (I'm)(we're) proud of you.

But most of all, (I)(we) guess it means
That (I am)(we are) thinking of
Your happiness on this, your special day,
With pleasure and with love.

Party hearty, you 70 year old spring chicken

© V4C

Its hard to find a 70th birthday greeting,
Nice enough to send to you,
For you're so very special
That the usual ones won't do 

But this one seems just perfect,
For it really makes it clear
That you're close in thought,
Not now and then,
But all throughout the year!

Have a wonderful special milestone landmark 70th birthday
Onwards and upwards towards your 80th decade

© V4C
70th birthday poems

What a very special day
Your 70th birthday's going to be
A day full of surprises
With your friends and family
There's going to be some happy smiles
And lots of fun to share
With many treats and lots to eat
And laughter everywhere

Happy 70th Birthday Wishes To You

© V4C

Because you’re very special
We hope your 70th has in store
Happy hours that overflow
With all you’re wishing for
And hope the coming year brings
A million happy wonderful things

Happy 70th Birthday

© V4C
Funny Birthday Poems 70th 

Some rascals may say you're old
But I so disagree
You're like a spring chicken
Despite reaching seventy

So party hearty...happy 70th

© V4C
70th birthday poems

If you want more of this type of poem I recommend MargMax's Non Funny Birthday Poems 70th 

Here's a video where I read a few of my 50th-70th Birthday poems. All could be used for 70th...just change the number

To finish off, back to a couple of funny Wrinkinsults, age insult poems by a wrinkly to a fellow wrinkly

Have you, like me, become an elephant?
Is your skin like a ginger snap?
Have you turned grey all over?
And in a breeze do your ears flap?

Of course, an elephant, in age, retains
It's memory, forgetting naught
While I ...err..where am I going with this?
I've lost my train of thought

Anyway, like Nellie, have a trumpety trump 70th birthday

© V4C
Funny Birthday Poems 70th 

Now that you’ve reached 70
You should do that exercise stuff
Grumpy thoughts running through your mind
Is simply not enough

Nor is jumping to conclusions
Nor shuffling round the house
Being hopping mad won’t cut it
Nor pushing your luck with your spouse

Running down politicians won’t help 
And flying off the handle, not a bit
Dodging responsibility for everything 
Will do nothing to keep you fit

You need a new fitness regime
Tomorrow’s soon enough, methinks
Start off by racing through the crossword
Then doing forty....winks

As for today, exercise your elbow
And party hearty

If you still want more 70th birthday poems, I've written dozens of cheeky getting old poems. Check out these next two pages and a website full Wrinkinsults...cheeky rhymes for old timers

Old Age Birthday Poems

70th Birthday Poems

If not done, go to Main Special Birthday Page for more

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