Jon Bratton's

Funny 50th Birthday Poem

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Funny 50th Birthday Poem, aimed at women

Now that you've turned 50
You're stunning, well-coiffed and smart
On the negative side, there's definite signs
That you're slowly falling apart

The boobs have started their downward trek,
You should lose 50 lbs in weight
New wrinkles appear on your forehead
At, what seems, an alarming rate

On the positive, you're now a psychic
And you look sexier, and how
And as a Wiser Older Women
You're definitely now a WOW !

Expressing yourself honestly and forthrightly
Is a good thing that you've learnt
On the negative side, you're sagging
In places you wish you weren't

Signalling the end of fertility (your raison d'etre)
The menopause has/will soon come
Still, your confidence, over the years, has grown
But so, too, has your bum and tum

Just as you were getting the hang of it
You've started to lose interest in sex
And your arms have suddenly become too short
To read, without your specs

All day hectic shopping trips
Are no longer your idea of fun
Indeed, shopping is now a tedious chore
That simply has to be done

In Roman numerals you've reached the big L
That's not much comfort I know
But enjoy the coming years like L
Happy Birthday on your big Five-O

Jon Bratton 2010

© V4C 

another funny 50th birthday poem

This Funny 50th Birthday Poem, getting old poem, over the hill poem, poem about age, call it what you will, is about a woman being sixty but it's just as applicable for 50 year old women or, for that matter, 70 year old women

Will I Have To Be Sexy At Sixty?
by Pam Ayres

  Will I have to be sexy at sixty?
Will I have to keep trying so hard?
Well I'm just going to slump
With my dowager's hump
And watch myself turn into lard.

I'm not going to keep exercising,
I'm not going to take HRT,
If a toy boy enquires
I'll say, "Hah! Hard luck squire!
Where were you in 73...?"

I'm not going to shave my moustaches,
I'm just going to let them all sprout,
My chins'll be double
All covered in stubble,
I'm going to become an Old Trout!

My beauty all gone and forgotten,
Vanished with never a quibble,
I'll sit here and just
Kind of gnaw at a crust
And squint at the telly, and dribble.

As my marbles get steadily fewer
Must I battle to keep my allure?
Have I still got to pout
Now my teeth have come out
And my husband has found pastures newer?

Farewell to the fad and the fashion,
Farewell to the young and the free!
My passion's expired,
At bedtime... I'm TIRED!
Sexy and sixty? Not me!

© V4C 

My Funny 50th Birthday Poem web page has a funny, nay, humorous, nay hilarious sweet, happy poem I wrote about women turning 50. I've written elsewhere about men getting older and the emphasis is slightly different. There's a link at the end to a poem about a man turning 50

There are over 30 pages of birthday material and to see it all you might want to visit the 
Birthday Site Map
Because birthdays are the most common need for poems/verses you might want to bookmark the Birthday Site Map

Here's a couple more funny 50th Birthday Poems before you go

When young, like a computer, you used to have
Lots of memory and drive
At 50, your hard drive needs attention
If your RAM is to thrive

Ditch the Windows 98
Have a happy birthday, mate

Jon Bratton 2008

© V4C 

"When you only got hundred years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise"

So, spend your 50th wisely
Partying heartily
You've got the next 50 years, mate
Plenty of time to do sedate

Jon Bratton 2013
(First part in " " from song 100 years by Five for Fighting)

© V4C 

Another Funny 50th Birthday Poem

Here's a long funny 50th Birthday Poem for a man

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