Jon Bratton's

A Goodbye Speech

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

A Goodbye Speech
When I usually do a ditty
It's a farewell good luck poem
To say goodbye to our dear friends
As they make their way back home

And that is always very sad
A time for sorrow and grieving
But tonight we can be happy
Eddie Patterson’s leaving

John Brown as well, but he’ll return
On that I’ll safely bet
And Martin Kempton’s finally going
But he’s had all he’s gonna get

Eddie’s been here for 8 long years
And it really would be wrong
If the Committee didn’t give him
The chance of a last swan song

He begged the chance to do a show
The Committee put up a fight
But agreed to let Eddie loose
On you innocent folk tonight

The Committee’s laid on lots of food
And also wine and spirit
And getting drunk is not obligatory
But they’d be happier if you did

I also have to emphasise
That the rehearsal time was thin
And in judging the show, please bear in mind
You didn’t pay to get in

But enough of the Committee’s excuses
Let's get on with the show
If you’re not ready for steady Eddie
Now is the time to go

Oh my God, they’ve called our bluff
Now please don’t be shocked
But those of you who try to escape
Will find the doors all locked

A Goodbye Speech continues....

A Goodbye Speech

Eddie is a Scouser
Who talks extremely fast
And throws in extra adjectives
And I don’t mean damn or blast

His use of colourful language
Correct me if I’m wrong
Makes every point he seeks to make
No less than twice as long

The first item of entertainment tonight is called “Communication”
Which is ironic for Ed
Since most of the time I haven’t a clue
Exactly what he’s said

Eddie wanted to make an impression
So he searched near and far
To find someone special
To find a superstar

Someone with acting talent
Someone with style and bearing
As you’ll see he’s failed
I present to you, Paul Charing

A Goodbye Speech

I remember when Paul was a normal guy
No really, I tell the truth
But that was before his debut
As the Inspector, in Streuth

Y’see when Paul takes on a character
It’s foibles he gains
And when the play is over
Quite a lot remains

In a Comedy Hour and a Bit
His Cockney Jew was a joy
But now when he speaks to bosses
He says “Hoy Mush Oi Vey Ma Boy”

Remember his Walter Pangbourne
That stuck to him like glue
Susie, his wife, gets so upse
He still calls her Lindy Loo

And though she’s a tolerant woman
Black Comedy makes her shudder
She now shares her bed with Harold
And his chipped and battered Buddah

This next item is unrehearsed
Unpolished, completely raw 
Featuring Eddie himself and someone else
You’ve hardly seen before

He’s a virtual newcomer
Took up acting a few months ago
He had a small part in Mrs Markham (forgive the expression)
And he was in the Black Comedy show

And if he keeps on practicing
He’ll make the top of the bill
I give you Eddie Patterson plus “Michael Crawford”
Known to us all as Phil

A Goodbye Speech

Let’s review R.P’s achievements
From a year ago, to the day
When Michael Dexter directed
A deep and meaningful play

“Charlie Brown’s Christmas”
In our memories is everlasting
Featuring Glenn Sanders as a hairy dog
Such wonderful type casting

Martin had the title role
Gill Smith caused a stir
When she announced that all she wanted
Was what was coming to her

And she soon got what was coming
For Michael, believe it or not
Only a few short months later
Had poor Gillian shot

“With All My Love I Hate You”
Was not a comedy
Which makes it very special
Indeed, unique for R.P

It was unique for another reason
It stood out on it’s own
It was Glenn Sander’s greatest performance
As the voice at the end of a phone

Next came the Victorian Evening
Who remembers that?
I remember Glenn’s village idiot
A silly grin 'neath a silly hat

Glenn started off as a dog
Then a voice at the end of a phone
He progressed to a village idiot
Oh how his talents grown

A sexual predator in Mrs Markham
And I can’t help but think it’s funny
That this is the man we’ve put in charge
Of all the Theater’s money

A Goodbye Speech

I’ve insulted half the Committee
Who else should I annoy
Of course our own Ronnie Reagan
Our two-term President, Roy

He must be a meglomaniac (or some kind of maniac)
To want to do it twice
And he always picks a lady
To be in charge of Vice

He’s swapped a Smith for a Milligan
But with the same Christian name
Last year was a Mary Christmas
This year will be the same

Roy’s been in so many plays
One thing is quite certain
He’s been the subject of more biographies
Than Liz and Richard Burton

Is there nothing that he hasn’t done
No character he hasn’t been
He’s been a hit in all but one
His stand-up comic routine

Can you remember Roy’s M.C job
In a Comedy Hour and a Bit
It’s something Roy would like to forget
That’s why I’ve mentioned it

A Goodbye Speech

Who else is on the Committee?
Let me consult my notes
Chris Brown, oh no I’m sorry
I forgot Art’s proxy votes

Democratically Art remains
Our Manager of Facilities
And tho’ he rarely treads the boards
He has many other abilities

He’s not one to go on view
And while that’s very true
Lindy Loo could learn a thing or two
From Art, a man on “Q”

His presence is strongly felt
Backstage, he’s oh so keen
Brindsley was right when he said that Art
Should be felt but never seen

Let’s turn to the two Liz’s, Braden and Swan
This may get a groan or grunt
But it’s odd to me they shun the stage
When they’re both so big up front

Right, I’ve insulted all the Committee
Except for one, that’s Mark
Who switches off when it should be light
And on when it should be dark

The script was on his side this time
But this I’d like to say
Can we be sure he’ll get things right
When he does a normal play

It’s time to return to the sketches
I’ve stalled enough already
In a sketch we call “The Resturant”
I give you Paul and Phillip and Eddie

A Goodbye Speech

Let’s sum up the events of ’88
That is now my role
Tho” we’re tired, it’s been a Good Year
Successful, on the whole

When Gill Harper left we thought we’d lost
Our Lady of the Brewery
But we’ve found another lady drunk
Welcome, Elizabeth Drury

Which goes to show, tho’ we lose acting talent
We gain some as well
Who or what will emerge in ’89
Only time will tell

Will we still have a construction crew?
Will our funds stay out the red?
Will Phil and Gill continue
Climbing in and out of bed? 

Will Paul ever find the Props Room?
Will Liz get the wardrobe neat?
Will the Elizabethan wall
Ever be complete?

Will we ever count security
As a true Theater friend?
Will we ever get home tonight
Will this poem ever end?

A Goodbye Speech

On behalf of our Committee
We hope everyone that’s here
Will be filled with Christmas Spirit
Christmas Wine and Christmas Beer

I hope you’re in good spirits
And fortified with wine
Because some of my remarks here tonight
Were somewhat borderline

Just good natured humor
Was all I intended
And I apologise to anyone
Who feels hurt or offended

You’ll no doubt be delighted
Cos’ that is almost all
Can we have the three Stooges back
That’s Eddie, Phil and Paul

You’ve all been very patient
You’re probably dying for the loo
You probably think, it’s time for a drink
Have we got NEWS for you

Presented here is a Goodbye Speech which may help you compose a speech for yourself. It is not appropriate to merely present a sample speech you find on the internet as you need to personalize your speech to the very specific person or group of persons you are aiming at. This one relates to members of a Theater Group and contains examples of humorous verses in rhyme which can be sprinkled into your own speech. Good luck

As you've seen this example of A Goodbye Speech is quite specific to Theater matters but the following poems are of a much more general nature. It is probable that you will find material suitable for your purpose from some or all of these 

Roasting Speeches 

Farewell to Boss Speech 

Long Leaving Poem Speech 

Farewell Poem Speech 

A Goodbye Speech for Farewell 

Goodbye Speech elsewhere

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