Jon Bratton's

Farewell to Boss

but, first...

I've been writing verses
For 60 years...phew!
And d'yer know why I did it?
T'was especially for you

Jon Bratton

Farewell to Boss

Here we go, once again
It's goodbye ditty time
The chance to weave some insults
Into a little rhyme

The chance to risk life and limb
The chance to cook my goose
Coz out of 47 verses
There's 40 of abuse

I'll read the whole thing out to you, Dave
To see how you feel
If you don't see the funny side
It's the work of Pat O'Neil

And I think I ought to tell you
In case you're mad as hell
That some ideas came from Ian
And Steve Maxted helped as well

Dave Gray and Jack Sharkey too
Geoff Scarfield wrote a verse
Colin's bits were cryptic
Darren's even worse

In fact the whole department
As you will clearly see
Wrote a load of insults
Everyone 'cept me

Who shouted crawler?
I won't have that said
It's just it's more fun living
Than being somewhat dead

Farewell to Boss

more of the farewell to boss poem

You see, we had a big staff meeting
To discuss what to say
To find the words to describe
Our esteemed boss DA

The very first suggestions
Came from Geoff and Jack
They didn't have a shred of doubt
You're a megalomaniac

Acting as the Chairman
I asked "Does that describe him fully?"
"Of course not" said Ian and Steve
"Just call him Dave the Bully"

But there's no doubt your resignation
Was such a big surprise
It brought lumps to our throats
And tears to our eyes

But I must be honest Dave
That behind those heavy sighs
We've been booking four week holidays
And taking off our ties

Farewell to Boss

It's surprising that you're leaving
With things left undone
Seeing projects reach fruition
Would be kinda fun

F'instance, the Heading South Hotel
You'd see it open its door
You wouldn't have to stay long
Just 2 or 3 years more

Still perhaps your job's done
There's no windmills left to tilt
It's back to the Motherland
But not to don a kilt

But instead a pair of City stripes
A season ticket for the train
A bowler hat and brolley
To combat British rain

To earn a tax deducted salary
And pay a mortgage oh so heavy
Commuting hours in a train
Not five minutes in the Chevvy

Facing lots of gas bills
Battling with the snow
Stumping up for school fees
Are you sure you want to go

Farewell to Boss

It's well known you're a wealthy man
But your new job caused a laugh
Most people have a bank account
You had to join the staff

Of course the bank's American
And that's the vital clue
The interviewer was impressed no doubt
By your Weber barbecue

Going back to our staff meeting
We invented a little game
Guessing what the A stands for
In your middle name

O'Neil suggested 'Adolf'
Well, he likes his bit of fun
Henderson's suggestion was
Atilla, as in Hun

Farewell to Boss

To find a better answer
We asked your greatest fan
A certain legal gentleman
Who hails from Pakistan

He didn't want to stick to A
But I was firm, you know me
I ruled against four letter words
That start with F and C

The word 'Awkward' was his first choice
'Abrasive' came much later
Then he smiled an evil sort of smile
It's A for 'Abdicator'

We called up Reeves and Simpson
To see what they would say
They settled for 'Assassin'
Cos you murdered CBA

'Accountant' said your Institute
Then 'Author" came to mind
"Alcoholic' said the Rugby Club
But that's a bit unkind

Alan Maxted of the Rugby Club
Had something else to say
It's A for 'Aggressive'
Then he limped away

'Affluent' said your Bankers
'Accomplished' said H.E.
'Argumentative' said George West
But he said you'll not agree

Noli said 'Adonis'
Well, we laughed till we were sick
When someone said 'Achilles Heel'
It reminded us of Dick

Actually, Dick's written a book
And in just the last few weeks
It's become a best seller
It's called 'Interview Techniques'

We discussed your managerial skills
And we think it's a safe bet
That there may be a better manager
But we haven't met one yet

How did that one get there? 

Farewell to Boss

You've always shown such leadership
And you were always very fair
Like that time at Beamo's house
When we were worse for wear

It was gratitude we felt that night
When you descended without warning
That's why Steve phoned to thank you
At three in the morning

And you've always been supportive
At least, when you were in
but let's be honest, your leave request file
Is not exactly thin

From Nice to San Francisco
You've certainly had your fill
Traveling around the globe first class
And never paid a bill

On behalf of Risk Management
For the battles that you fought
Where many more were won than lost
Thanks for your support

You've been so supportive
But occasionally dashed our hopes
Like turning down our request
For air mail envelopes

And I thank you on behalf of Tom
That would be only right
But I won't do it quite like Tom
Or we'll be here half the night

Actually, I phoned up Mr T.
Just the other night
I asked him what the A stands for
He thought A Team sounded right

Then he pondered for a little while
The phone bill was quite steep
He said it was A for Almighty
Tom always was a creep

Farewell to Boss

But we discovered what the A stands for
And this will make you frown
But under intense interrogation
Young McNiesh broke down

Angus, that's a bull's name
Scottish through and through
A snorting bad tempered Scottish beast
It's a perfect name for you

Cos you've been known to show a temper
We've all heard you shout
But we put that down to hangovers
And a nasty touch of gout

Well, we've hurled enough abuse
It was just our little game
It's clear that without you
PAV won't be the same

The very best of luck, mate
We think you cannot fail
Surrounded by your family
Stephany, Ruth and Gail

Going back to what the A stands for
And this really is the end
All of us will think of it
As A for Absent Friend

Jon Bratton 1986 


Farewell to Boss Goodbye Ditty is the name of this page, which whilst not an expression regularly used when searching for a goodbye co worker or boss poem, is used here because it's what I called the humorous roastings I delivered as a Ma Salama poem to colleagues leaving Amphroia.

I hope you liked my Farewell to Boss poem which you could adapt for your own purpose. The whole speech doesn't have to be in rhyme. I've done some where I merely sprinkled in the odd verse here and there

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