Humorous Poems About Getting Old

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Aging Song - Male

by Kathy Holler
(Edmonton, AB, Canada)

Sung to the tune of ‘My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean’

My body is starting to crumble
My belly is going to pot
My words come out as a mumble
If I were a horse I’d be shot

Chorus:

Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my youth to me, to me
Bring back, Oh bring back
Don’t leave me in misery

My brain cells have left on vacation
My forehead is getting too high
My hair ends up in the basin
And the years just keep flying by

My biceps are starting to soften
And I guess that ain’t enough
‘Cause I’m grabbing my ankles too often
While the doctor is saying “please cough”

I shouldn’t get down in a blue mood
I shouldn’t be sad and distraught
My mind says I’m still a hot dude
Although my mirror says ‘not’.

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FEELING YOUR AGE

by SUE
(SADDLEWORTH)

A Little Ditty I Put Together For A Mate's 40th.
Comment by webmaster
As good a 'getting older' poem as I've seen in a long time. Keep' em comin' Sue

40 They Say Is Where Life Begins
The 20s And 30s Have Wained
It Wont Be Long Before You Shout
"I Wish I Was 18 Again"
The Backside Starts To Sag And Droop
The Boobs Not As Firm As Before
The Thighs Expand,The Waist Doth Spread
And You Cant Touch Your Toes Any More
But Take Heart And Look Forward To NHS Specs
False Teeth And Rickety Bones
The Migraines, Arthritis, Cystitis And Cramp
And Death Of Your Hormogenous Zones
The Onset Of Menopause Moods And Hot Flushes
Memory Loss, Incontinence, Decay
But Dont Dwell Too Long On The Problems Of Life
"Bugger It All
" And Have a Great Day" !!!

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The Aging Song - Female

by Kathy Holler
(Edmonton, AB, Canada)

I've always written silly ditties and poems.
Sung to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

My body is falling to pieces
My eyesight is going to hell
My hair is turning much grayer
I don’t think I’m doing so well

Chorus
Bring back, oh bring back
Bring back my youth to me, to me
Bring back, oh bring back
Don’t leave me in misery

I’ve noticed a whole lot of wrinkles
Where once none used to be
I’m sure that I’ve gotten much shorter
And my boobs will soon hit my knees

My brain cells are leaving in bunches
My body is starting to scream
I’m still hot but now it’s in flashes
Please tell me that this is a dream

I thought I would never get older
I’d always be young and so free
But the truth looks back from the mirror
Oh Lord, is that really me!

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