Poems Kids Funny

Poems Kids Funny

Donkey, donkey, old and gray,
Open your mouth and gently bray;
Lift your ears and blow your horn,
To wake the world this sleepy morn.

©V4C



This cat on the roof' poem is for older kids. Those who know me well will understand why I wrote this poem because I have been telling the joke, on which it is based, for the past 30 years.
Those for younger ones follow

A man just loved his cat
So he never went away
When his brother offered to care for the cat
He set off on holiday

On the first night he phoned up
“How’s my cat” he said
His brother just told him straight
“Bro, your cat is dead”

The man was appalled and yelled
You could have told me more gently than that
His brother said “ What was I supposed to say?
Face it bro, Tiddles is an ex cat!”

You could have told me that Tiddles
Was on the roof ...but OK
And tomorrow you could tell me
He’ll probably come down today

The following time I rang
You could say he’s not looking well
Then next time you could say
Poor Tiddles fell

Then next when I enquired
As I would the very next day
“He’s at the vet, feeling poorly”
With compassion, you could say

Then the next day that I called
“Sorry” you could say
“ Your lovely little Tiddles
Has sadly passed away”

“I didn’t think’ said his brother
Frankly, being a bit aloof
His brother said “Anyway, how’s our mother?”
“Oh” he said “she’s on the roof”

Jon Bratton © 2011
(based on a joke by person unknown)

©V4C

Poems Kids Funny is the name of this web page which has a mixed bag of poems for kids of all ages on the subject of food, animals, bed time and other stuff. Stuff for the young 'uns come next

An elephant walks like this and that,
He's terribly tall and terribly fat.
He has no fingers, he has no toes,
But goodness gracious, what a nose!

©V4C

It's raining, it's pouring;
The old man is snoring.
Bumped his head
And he went to bed
And he couldn't get up in the morning.
Rain, rain, go away;
Come again another day;
Little Johnny wants to play.

©V4C

An apple pie,
When it looks nice,
Would make
one long
To have a slice;
But if the taste
Should prove so, too,
I fear one slice
Would scarcely do.
So, to prevent
My asking twice,
Pray, Mamma,
Cut a large slice!

©V4C

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
And every wife had seven sacks
And every sack had seven cats
And every cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?

Poems Kids Funny

As I was sitting in my chair,
I knew the bottom wasn't there,
Nor legs nor back, but I just sat,
Ignoring little things like that.

©V4C

As I was walking down the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
Oh I wish that he'd go away!

©V4C

As I was going to sell my eggs
I met a man with bandy legs,
Bandy legs and crooked toes;
I tripped up his heels, and he fell on his nose.

©V4C

As I was going by Charing Cross,
I saw a black man upon a black horse.
They told me it was King Charles the First.
Oh dear, my heart was ready to burst

©V4C

As I was walking down the lake,
I met a little Rattlesnake;
I gave him so much jelly-cake,
It made his little belly ache.

©V4C

Poems Kids Funny

A candle, a candle
To light me to bed
A pillow, a pillow
To tuck up my head
The moon is as sleepy as sleepy can be
The stars are all pointing their fingers at me
And Missus Hop-Robin, way up in her nest
Is rocking her tired little babies to rest
So give me a blanket
To tuck up my toes
And a little soft pillow
To snuggle my nose


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